Updated: Sep 9, 2022
Do you know that people can stop you reaching your potential? Or that what we say to others can prevent them from being who they truly want to be?
“Oh, why do you want to do that?”
“That’s a weird idea, no one is going to go for it.”
“Oh my god, what makes you think you will lose weight.”
“I told you it wasn’t going to work, just get a normal job. “
“You can’t change your career at 40, who does things like that?”
“You are not made to be that successful, come out of the clouds and put food on the table.”
These may be some of the phrases you have heard or even said. They may even sound quite extreme, but we don’t live the lives of others, so we really don’t know what factors inhibit others and what their life circumstances really are.
What we can do is – not judge and instead empathize.
The power of our words is so profound that something we were told as a child decades ago, still can affect us in our 30s, 40s…70s! Why, because when we tell someone they cannot do something or are incapable those messages get trapped deep within so when we grow up, we believe we are not good enough.
“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” George Eliot
Limiting beliefs and lack of confidence is a debilitating feeling. When we can’t stand up for ourselves, express our views, speak up in meetings, have a fear of public speaking, not living our passion or even worse, not living the lives we want, then people can feel trapped, we go through daily lives to earn a living, to do the right things and to support the people around us.
I believe we can work towards having what we want and to live life with passion. It is about really understanding where we are and why. We all tell ourselves stories for the way things are, we excuse why we are not where we want to be, and those stories keep us where we are.
When those negative feelings do surface and we feel trapped by our mindsets, people around us or unable to express who we want to be, then finding a way towards harmony is key.
When we step into the zone of self-reflection and realise that we can change our conditioning then we move towards reclaiming. I do not believe that this requires a complete revamp of life, where we decide to uproot everything, go off into the wilderness or even leave our friends and family, we can make shifts and changes which make us realise we have our own power and can still have it all.
Be clear about what we want
Write down how we feel & be honest
If we don’t know why we are this way, then how can others help
Seek help and support either from a support network or a professional
Go within and connect
Invest in ourselves
Learn and absorb
Create a front row who support and understand
Learn to overcome fears
Celebrate our successes
It is hard to open break open the deep seated “stuff” and explore the scars, demons and pains. It is through this discovery that we are able to find a sense of who we are and begin the process of healing. In the words of Louise Hay:
“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
Not everything is fixable but understanding, acknowledging and finding the power to move on is about taking our lives forward and reclaiming more of who we are.
“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
What can you do today?
Monica Mahi is a transformation agent who brings over 20 years of corporate experience from the world of consulting and banking to work with clients to bring the best from themselves and their people.